Gamstop

[Seaton-slots]

People who sign-up to Gamstop shouldn't try to circumvent the system as it was all put there for their protection. Equally however casino's etc should be required by law to check this register before signing a customer up as they to have a duty of care toward problem gamblers.

The crux of this is that it never becomes apparent the customer may be a problem gambler until they verify the account leading to this sort of situation. Personally I believe that all accounts should be verified BEFORE any gambling take place with on-line betting. It will take longer to get started, gives a cooling off period to the customer and protects the casino from making this type of mistake.

I believe the casino is as culpable as the customer in this issue and should not have the best of both worlds by keeping the losses that should not have been gambled and keeping the winning that should not have been won. Civil law which is what this dispute is based on revolves around what is fair and equitable to both sides regardless of what contracts say etc... This feels like it would fail that test...    

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4 hours ago, Magern said:

Well-meaning if not well-thought.

Problem gamblers should be encouraged to be honest and responsible for their actions, not advised to tell lies and make excuses.

This situation should be approached with only honesty and acceptance of the outcome.

If problem gambling is to be taken seriously so should the self-exclusion. When signing up to GamStop an agreement is made which should be honoured.

Well Said Sir.

[Mentholdan]

An addict, any addict, is immersed in lies, deceit, pain, loss of dignity and self worth and self respect. The only thing anyone can do for them is keep on loving them no matter what and keep on hoping beyond hope. I'm not ashamed to say that when my mum died it was like a massive relief, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. My initial thought was that at last all the pain in the family would finally stop after the grieving was over. What I came to realise after she was gone was what a great man my father was. He stood by her through it all, he could have left any time and many men would have. She died when I was 50 and I seldom saw her sober, 50 years and more a drunk, 50 years?? How can any husband or wife put up with that?  When she was a teenager she won or was runner up in quite a few beauty contests. Just after I was born she took a job as a school crossing worker, "lollipop lady" got hit by a car, spent over 6 months in hospital and lost part of her leg. Started drinking and never stopped. 

I'm sure there are many people who suffered the same fate or even worse but came out of it unscarred, unfortunately she couldn't cope. 

So when I hear people who don't have an addiction saying addicts need help and need to be honest with themselves and with their loved ones, it's just blah blah blah. I understand totally they are suffering too, but they don't have a clue what they're talking about. 

[Magern]

So you wouldn't recommend a person with a problem is honest or should seek help Mentholdan?

[Mentholdan]

50 minutes ago, Magern said:

So you wouldn't recommend a person with a problem is honest or should seek help Mentholdan?

I'm saying if a loved one is an addict, be prepared for a life of heartbreak, sadness, and dispair. Be prepared for a life of loving and forgiving without receiving. And if you are not an addict, "I don't mean you, as in you personally" then you don't know what you're talking about. Psychiatrists and councillors have no idea what it's like to be an addict.

Hand on my heart, I don't believe there's such thing as a reformed addict. I do believe there are recovering habitual users, but I honestly don't think there is any cure at all for any addiction. 

My mum underwent the most devastating treatment you can imagine, this all started in the 60s remember, I can only liken her treatment in those times to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. For the first couple of months of her treatment she had no idea who we "her immediate family" were. 

When I hear people saying "what they need to do is this or that" I just feel like throttling them, and please do not judge me for that unless you have been through what I've been through. The word honesty does not exist in the vocabulary of an addict. 

Why would anybody want to deliberately break the heart of everyone close to them? 

Explaining my thoughts on addiction is impossible to do in a text message, it would need hours and hours of conversation. 

Mark. 

[Magern]

Hi Mark

I'm sorry to read about your mother and admire you for sharing what you have experienced. This is a subject you have clearly given a lot of thought.

Rest assured that your comment wasn't taken personally. It is a comment I think is worth questioning. If I don't know what I'm talking about then I'm happy to discuss any matter I care enough about to learn more.

A lot in the second post. Agree with some parts, may come back to challenge other parts.

For now back to the first post.

So you wouldn't recommend a person with a problem is honest or should seek help Mark?

A familiar question I can't see where it was answered. Yes or no?

"So when I hear people who don't have an addiction saying addicts need help and need to be honest with themselves and with their loved ones, it's just blah blah blah. I understand totally they are suffering too, but they don't have a clue what they're talking about."

By your own logic Mark do you yourself not 'have a clue' what you are talking about?

 

[BlindHaze]

I don’t think you’re ever truly over an addiction, but I think the chances of relapsing fade over time. I know a guy who hadn’t smoked for 3 years and started again when his mother was ill, and there was also the well publicised stories about Paul Merson recently.

[Magern]

I'm not sure I entirely agree with your first sentence BlindHaze.

Interestingly all examples in this thread do have something in common.

I had a look at Paul Merson today. Watched a couple of interviews from which I will be quoting below.

The first quote comes from what appears to be a well-received appearance on a recent television programme where Paul Merson spoke honestly about his gambling problem:

"Struggling with life at the moment. Struggling badly. My life's falling apart. Gambling's...completely lost control...completely again...digging a hole...can't get out of it. It's the worst addiction in the world."

Perhaps read those words again before reading on.

I think this is unintentionally even more descriptive than it first appears; an interview that inspired my post.

The last sentence: "It's the worst addiction in the world."

I don't know if this is true. It's my opinion that many people - some of which I've spoken to myself - are of this opinion. However, I have never looked into this enough to come to a conclusion.

Let's for now say it is true.

I'm sure most, if not all reading this will of heard gambling referred to as the 'hidden addiction'. The easiest to hide.

Is it a coincidence that the worst addiction is the easiest to hide?

I'm pleased to finish this post on a positive. Paul Merson sought help and from an interview in March:

"I need to keep on going to meetings. I'm in a much better place today, a much better place. A hundred times better than I was six months ago."

And it showed.

[Mentholdan]

I know exactly what it is like to live with, and have a family member / loved one who is an addict. I'm not an addict so I don't have any idea what it's like to be an addict. I only know how it affected me and my family and I could see what damage it caused but how could I possibly know what it's actually like to be addicted? My mum, the addict I'm talking about, an alcoholic not a gambling addict, lied all the time about her drinking, to her family, friends and most of all to herself. Because of her drinking we lived in a shithole. At the age of 12 or 13 I washed and ironed my own clothes, cooked the family meal most evenings with my sister and when we got home from school we spent the next couple of hours trying to sober her up before my dad came home from work. Every time she started drinking it was NEVER her fault. It was because the dog died or the anniversary of her parents or bothers death or me or my sister had been playing up... I could give you a book of excuses. So yes she was an outright liar. It wouldn't matter one iota if she admitted to herself that she was an addict because it would never be her fault that she fell of the wagon it was always someone else who was to blame. We had fuck all when I was growing up, any treatment she received was on the national health, which normally consisted of shoving 10.000 volts up her arse followed by six to twelve weeks of basket weaving. After her road accident which definitely started it all, she got about £2000 compensation for the damages, if it happened today she would probably get a six figure sum which could pay for 5 star treatment. Paul Merston, who I have every sympathy for, probably gets five figure sums for telling his woes to newspapers and TV. He goes to America for treatment and will never be totally broke, he will have money problems but never skint. The most important thing that you or anyone else reading this post needs to know is this, I loved my mum more than anything in the world, always and forever. No addiction would ever change that, ever. 

I love Irish whisky, I'll drink a few glasses maybe once or twice a year and I'll think that was delicious, I really enjoy it. I bet on a regular basis, more than I should, I love the buzz, but never more than I can afford. But its just not in me to be addicted. Because of how I grew up my appartment is spotless, I have beautiful furniture, I don't buy crap or 2nd hand stuff, I live alone and do what I want when I want, I haven't been to work this week because I just don't feel like it. All of my experiences have fashioned my life and lifestyle because I made up my mind when I was a kid I wouldn't live like that, so no end of good came from all the heartache. 

All of the above is exactly what happened and I am what I am because of it. And I'm really happy with who I am. I've tried to be candid and honest on a subject that is totally relevant to a forum like this, I honestly couldn't care less what anybody thinks about me but I hope you the reader will take my experiences into consideration when trying to understand why I have said all of the above. 

[TheKingInTheNorth]

On 4/29/2019 at 9:53 AM, Seaton-slots said:

People who sign-up to Gamstop shouldn't try to circumvent the system as it was all put there for their protection. Equally however casino's etc should be required by law to check this register before signing a customer up as they to have a duty of care toward problem gamblers.

The crux of this is that it never becomes apparent the customer may be a problem gambler until they verify the account leading to this sort of situation. Personally I believe that all accounts should be verified BEFORE any gambling take place with on-line betting. It will take longer to get started, gives a cooling off period to the customer and protects the casino from making this type of mistake.

I believe the casino is as culpable as the customer in this issue and should not have the best of both worlds by keeping the losses that should not have been gambled and keeping the winning that should not have been won. Civil law which is what this dispute is based on revolves around what is fair and equitable to both sides regardless of what contracts say etc... This feels like it would fail that test...    

Top post 10/10, fully agree.

[Magern]

It's another insightful post Mark. The experience of living with an addict is extremely relevant and will give myself and others plenty to think about.

The love for your mother is certainly evident in the passion of your posts.

Like your last post you have given a lot so I will pick up on a few points and may come back to others another time.

"I'm not an addict so I don't have any idea what it's like to be an addict."

This goes someway to answering one of my quetions. Is it not important then to listen and learn from addicts like Paul Merson?

Perhaps if I want a clear answer to my original question on my part I should make the question clearer.

Would you recommend someone with a problem is honest or should seek help?

"So yes she was an outright liar. It wouldn't matter one iota if she admitted to herself that she was an addict because it would never be her fault that she fell of the wagon it was always someone else who was to blame."

This highlights why honesty and taking responsibility are so important if things are to change.